Ok - This post is somewhat a fun one, somewhat a frusteration... this is a short list of some ACTUAL things medical professionals have said either during pregnancy, labor, or birth to some clients I have attended:
"You have gained 10lbs in your first trimester, you have to cut back on your intake, or you will be a heifer by the time this baby is born!" - This is a mom who, at the time of conception, was about 10lbs UNDERWEIGHT... this same doc said, before the end of the appointment, not to worry about her intake, baby will leech what it needs from mom's reserves if it needs to. HELLO, THIS MOM HAS NO RESERVES EVEN IF THAT WERE TRUE!!!! Mom stayed on the Brewer Diet, though, smart as she was, needing no coaxing from me, and she gained a total of 45lbs and lost it all by 6 weeks postpartum.
"An epidural is completely safe at any point in your labor or birth. It doesn't cross the placenta. In fact, no medications cross the placenta as it acts as a barrier" - Uh duh! This momma had done her own research, and replied with 'Well, what about the incidence of babies being born lethargic and unable to nurse because medication was given too late? And why, if the placenta acts as a barrier, does safefetus.com give the classifications of how adversly medications affect the unborn baby?'. This momma switched docs.
"Laboring while in an upright position is bad for baby because they can't find the way out" -WTH???? This was said to a single teenage momma I was attending. She just rolled her eyes at the doc and kept right on dancing her baby down. BTW, her labor was 5 hours from start to finish. That baby had no problems finding its way out.
"When you feel like you are going to rip open from your backbone to your bellybutton, that is GOOD - it means you will be holding your baby soon" - While mom is pushing, baby is close to crowning and has, thus far, not had any intense discomfort during her labor. In response, I leaned down and calmly and gently said in her ear while glaring at doc (mom and dad were looking at her in utter disbelief) 'your baby will pass through your body smoothly and effortlessly, your body will open gently and stretch kindly around her littly body". BTW, she had NO tearing and no intense discomfort.
"Oh, you can't push in THAT position, you'll blow your bottom right out!" - To mom while she is pushing her baby on hands and knees. She had been doing beautifully until that point, baby was about +4/5 (could see a good quarter-sized patch of hair, even between contractions), but when doc said that (he had justed walked in the room), mom actually sucked baby back up so you could not see babies head between contractions anymore. I leaned in to dad and mom's space and reminded them that I birthed my last, a pretty large baby, on all fours and had no blowing. I also reminded her that pushing was most effective whichever position she wanted to. Mom pushed her baby out with no blowing of her bottom, although, last minute, she turned onto a crab-squat on her own volition.