Of Jewels and VaJay-Jays

So, a local doula walks into a chatroom...

No seriously, if you have a vagina and a sense of humor, you will love this post...

Ok, now where was I? Oh yes! A local doula was just talking about a recent experience she had with an OB/Gyn in this area. This is how her story went...

I need to say this because I'm still just flabbergasted. I attended a birth some time ago with an OB who discussed, while this woman was pushing her baby out, how very pleased she would be with his repair work on her bottom. He explained how women have come to him from Madrid and Brazil and New York to have their vaginas "done". I couldn't help it, as I stood there with a look of horror battling with disgust, I just blurted out (in a most un-doula-like moment): "You do designer vaginas?!?"

The nursery nurses in the corner burst into laughter. He looked puzzled for a moment, but when he sorted through the vernacular his visage changed to express the most proud approval and he said with a smile "Yes! I do." That was some time ago. Cut to yesterday. He attended the birth I was at yesterday. Though he did not regale us with further stories of his vaginal reconstruction exploits, he is now proudly wearing embroidery on his doctor's coat: "Ageless Center" (surrounded by a lovely logo) with the words (wait for it..........) COSMETIC GYNECOLOGY (emphasis mine). Your thoughts?

So, that got us around to talking about this story which you may or may not have seen on the web awhile ago...

I was due for an appointment with the gynecologist later in the week. Early one morning, I received a call from the doctor's office to tell me that I had been rescheduled for that morning at 9:30 a.m. I had only just packed everyone off to work and school, and it was already around 8:45 a.m. The trip to his office took about 35 minutes, so I didn't have any time to spare.

As most women do, I like to take a little extra effort over hygiene when making such visits, but this time I wasn't going to be able to make the full effort. I rushed upstairs, threw off my pajamas, wet the washcloth that was sitting next to the sink, and gave myself a quick wash in that area to make sure I was at least presentable.

I threw the washcloth in the clothes basket, donned some clothes, hopped in the car and raced to my appointment. I was in the waiting room for only a few minutes when I was called in. Knowing the procedure, as I'm sure you do, I hopped up on the table, looked over at the other side of the room and pretended that I was in Paris or some other place a million miles away.

I was a little surprised when the doctor said, "My, we have made an extra effort this morning, haven't we?" I didn't respond. After the appointment, I heaved a sigh of relief and went home.

The rest of the day was normal. Some shopping, cleaning, cooking.

After school when my 6-year-old daughter was playing, she called out from the bathroom, "Mommy, where's my washcloth?" I told her to get another one from the cupboard. She replied, "No, I need the one that was here by the sink, it had all my glitter and sparkles saved inside it."

Never going back to that doctor. Ever.

So then, we kept talking, like women... and doulas... do, and pretty soon, we began talking about VaJazzling... yep, the process of applying this:

To This:

The results when used PROPERLY (you know, on clothes) would be this:

 or this:

or even, when used on skin.. it could be this...

or this:

 

But VAJazzling? So, like any good researcher, we doulas started looking up how to vajazzle.. and we came up with this:

Blingy don't you think?

And that got us to thinking (and talking) MORE... so, what do you think?

Should we start offering vajazzling to the mamas that we work with during our postpartum visits? It might help to give them a sparkly outlook on those first few weeks home with junior...

Or perhaps we should all vajazzle as DOULAS at a doula workshop... you know, get in touch with our inner crafty feminine (ok, totally channeling Fried Green Tomatoes here)...

Or, even better, we could offer this to the women that we work with right along with their push pedicures.. Can you imagine the notariety a doula would get with the OBs and nurses then?! We would be the talk of the town....

(Envisioning) "ok, now I'm just going to take a peek to see if we can see baby and... WHOA! What's THAT? I... I'm blinded by the bling! Turn off the delivery light! It looks like a disco ball in here!"

Think of it, I can see it now:

HoustonDesignerDoula.com 

specializing in helping women feel more than just empowered!

Now, we had a few concerns. I mean, the website states that: ‎

"For some people, vajazzling is just about feeling good while others have significant reasons to go for the bling, which may include coping with a terrible break up"

Whatever happened to just hunkering down with a gallon of Schweddy Balls and a spoon (that's for another post, by the way)

And what about self-respect? I mean, will jewel encrusted vulva actually make you feel better about a failed marriage?

But the most important thing that we should consider before getting vajazzled is this: wouldn't you be more than a little upset that, after waxing and vajazzling, you can't wear your skinny jeans for fear that your swarovski crystals might rub off?!

I don't know, I am kind of liking it... and I also like the term vaJAZZLE!

Yes, you do have to say it with a breathy voice and jazz hands, it only improved the effect! Totally a part of my vernacular now.. whenever something is as cool as a sparkling yoni, I totally am going to say...

"That's just vaJAZZLE!"

Now, I wonder if anyone is going to start Pejazzling?....