Thanks in Birth

I love the Greek language.  It is so expressive and complete. Whereas we might say 'love', the Greeks have different words for different types of love. And whereas we might say 'thanks', the Greeks have different types of thanks.

In my 13+ years of birth work, I can tell you that this one thing can make all the difference in the birthing room - whether you are thankful for the sensations of birth or not. If you're not, you might find yourself using these words:

• (at the beginning of a contraction) "NO!"
• (at the beginning of a contraction) "not another one..."
• (at the end of a contraction) "it's horrible, this is horrible".
• (between contractions) "I hate this, this is not good."

Think of it this way, if you have been asked to do a task that is very difficult, attitude will make all the difference. You still have to complete the task, but it's up to you if you do it grumbling and complaining or if you do it in thanksgiving and joy. Joy and thanksgiving doesn't mean it's not still going to be work, even hard work - it's just the difference between a dance and a dirge.

Ok - back to the Greek forms of Thanks. There are at least 7 forms that I am aware of. I am going to break down four of them for you here, and how they can apply to birth.

• YADAH - This form of thanks means to 'throw'. It literally means to thank with total surrender - like a child jumping into the arms of their parents in total surrender and gratitude.
• TEHILLAH - this form of thanks is audible - to sing or laud verbally. An unrehearsed and spontaneous new song or recitation from the heart. 
• TOWDAH - is physical thanks, such as extending your hands palm up in gratitude. This is also a form of adoration or agreeing with what has been done or what has been promised. 
• EUCHARISTIA - feminine form of giving thanks. This form means to actually feel thankful. 

Labor that is thankful is a change of mindset. When the mind changes, the heart follows. Practical ways to practice thankfulness in labor and birth can include: 

• YADAH - surrendering through your body language, completely letting go.
• TEHILLAH - using your voice positively and using positive words, such as 'yes', 'I am safe', 'this is good', and 'one step closer'. Nodding your head or rolling it in circles rather than shaking it 'no'. 
• TOWDAH - practicing deep surrender by releasing tension in your body. Keeping your mind set on the goal of birth - the baby. Being thankful for that baby and the work that comes with getting to baby. This would include keeping your mind set on the fact that labor is bringing you closer to baby. 
• EUCHARISTIA - if you are practicing the above thankfulness, eucharistia normally and naturally follows. 

Happy Thanksgiving everyone! 

Let It Go...

So, right about now, many of you have magically transformed into Elsa and are singing with gusto.

Yeah, that's kind of what I'm talking about. During labor and birth, your support team will be encouraging you to let it go... all of it. Physically, emotionally, and mentally. Labor and birth is an event unlike any other in your life - one which challenges you in all three of these areas, providing an intensity that brings you to a very primal place of reckoning within yourself.

For that reason, let's look at some practical and concise ways to encourage letting go during pregnancy, and in preparation for birth. 

First off, be sure to protect your bubble of peace during pregnancy by letting only positive and empowering stories and words into your heart and mind. Women love to give advice and tell 'big fish' birthing stories to each other. One simple thing you can say to stop negativity in it's tracks is, "please only share positivism with me, my baby is listening."

Read books that encourage education and preparation in a non-threatening and positive way. Books will give you education and tips/skills to help you through the labor and birth process. 

Practice physically letting go through conscious recognition of tension. An easy exercise for this is when you have to use the restroom, either #1 or #2.. .in fact, getting used to the sensations of both is actually helpful. When first sitting down on the toilet, remain in tension for a moment, notice how your pelvic floor is clenched. Then, take in a deep breath and, on the exhale, release the tension in your pelvic floor, allowing you to go to the bathroom... this exact sensation is what you need to accomplish during labor with every single contraction. You can do this as often as you like, and I recommend practicing this a ton in the last 6 weeks of pregnancy. 

Practicing progressive relaxation will condition you to physically release tension - which is a helpful tool for labor and birth. Find a good one, either through Hypnobabies, Hypnobirthing, or even YouTube, and practice it at least 3 times a week. 

And finally, practice being open and honest with your partner and birth team about any anxiety or worries that you have while preparing for birth. Two things are accomplished with this simple practice. One, you may be able to let go of some of these before your birthing time even begins. And two, if you can't, you are at least practicing honest self-evaluation - which will come in handy during your birthing time in the event any of these worries or anxieties come up during it. 

During labor and birth, there are some key tips and tricks to help you remember to let it all go...

First off, use words that help you let go. These words might be "limp and loose", "release and relax", "soft and open", or even "let go...". Your partner and birth team can help you by repeating these to you at the start of every contraction, and use reminders throughout the peak of each contraction as well. 

Now speaking of words (pun intended) let's touch on your own vocals. Prior posts have spoken extensively on the power of your labor sounds. More specifically, you can practice prenatally, and use in labor, the HA breath. Open your mouth and let your jaw hang throughout. Make what noises sound loose and limp, roll your head on your shoulders in broad sweeping circles. If you feel your jaw and neck muscles resisting, blow "horse lips". 

When you feel a contraction begin, shake out any tension in your hands, arms, hips, or knees before it climbs to it's peak. This will help you set your body into a state of 'no tension allowed' and wipe the slate clean during each contraction. 

Remember that toilet training from earlier? Practice that same 'letting go' during each and every contraction. Check in with your buttocks and pelvic floor and make sure it is in a state of looseness. If you pass gas or pee a little, that's fine. It means you are completely relaxed in the area it matters most. 

If you are in a position that you aren't using your hands to support you, place your hands palm up. This keeps you from referring tension to your hands. 

Remember to voice any negativity or anxiety/worry that comes into your mind and heart. Talking it out allows you to move over that hurdle instead of stepping onto a hamster wheel of negativity. Remember, your birth team can only help you as much as they know what you need. 

And that, my friends, is my list of practical ways to let go during labor! 

It's Just Going To Hurt - And I'm Sorry

eventful.com

My husband and I went to a local comedy joint, as we often do, and had the privilege of watching the act of inspirational comedian, Darryl Lenox. Darryl is a man who's personal struggles, both physical and emotional, have provided him with the substance needed to bring his audience to chuckles and tears, motivation and amusement.

At one point, while talking about his eye surgery, he begins to explain how his cataracts were extensive enough that his pain medication wasn't touching the discomfort he was feeling. 

His doctor offered to stop the surgery, or to put him out with general anesthesia. Darryl replied that he didn't want to be put under general anesthesia because, in the event the surgery went awry and he lost his sight completely, he wanted to 'watch the lights go out'.

So his doctor made a very profound statement:

"This is just gonna hurt, and I'm sorry." - Darryl Lenox, 'Blind Ambition'

How many times in our lives would that statement have been helpful? Darryl expounds upon this by giving us a bit of humor.. It would be helpful to have this advice in high school, during our wedding vows, and so many other times... 

And what about birth? There are times when I hold a woman's hands while she is piercing me with the 'look beyond the birthing room' stare. She breathes heavily on my face and gasps, "but it hurts!"... and I do, I hold her gaze and earnestly say, "this is just going to hurt, and I'm sorry." 

Sometimes labor's just uncomfortable, but sometimes it hurts. I'm always honest with my mamas, but sometimes my best tool is to give her this type of honesty.  Breath awareness, counterpressure, massage, mantras... sometimes they all fall to the wayside and we are left with the root of it. 

This is just going to hurt, and I'm sorry.

Acceptance

and Surrender

How much freer could some mamas be, could we all be, if we were given that raw honesty so that we could accept, and surrender to, it? 

Electronics in the Birthing Room

Yeah, I'll probably step on some toes here in the birthing field. Even with doulas. But I have a theory, and I operate in that theory.

Electromyography, aka EMG, is the the recording of the electrical activity of muscle tissue, or its representation as a visual display or audible signal, using electrodes attached to the skin or inserted into the muscle.

We know through medical advancements that we are, in fact, products and producers of electrical currents and energy. Muscles are stimulated by signals from nerve cells called motor neurons. This stimulation causes electrical activity in the muscle, which in turn causes contraction.

Radio waves, such as those used by cell phones, are forms of electromagnetic waves (RF radiation). These waves are present in our air/surroundings at all time. Who's to say that using our cell phones during labor does not inhibit or disrupt labor patterns?

Remember, this is only theory, but I can tell you one thing from my many years of doula work; the more cell phones in use during a woman's labor, the more her labor pattern is disrupted or intervened upon. This can take many different forms:

• irritating the mother as she is trying to work in her birthing space
• move attention away from the laboring mom and her partner and onto a device
• cause unnecessary discomfort and irritation to mother because of the above
• disfunctional labor patterns, including stalls in dilation and slowed pattern

Bottom line, while I am in the laboring room, I have resolved to hang up my note apps, my cell phone camera, my doula apps, my charting apps... if I need to take a call or a text, I head out to the hall. A woman in labor deserves my undivided attention, emotionally and physically.

Open Mouth, Open Cervix

So many women are afraid of being noisy in birth. You would not believe the number of women I have spoken to who are afraid of making noise, vocalizing, etc... during labor and birth.

I believe it is a biproduct of our culture. Women, a few years ago, were taught to be seen and not heard - this belief is still prevalent in some subcultures of Americana. And, more recently, women are 'supposed to be' poised, confident, and in control. Regardless if you are of the 'seen and not heard' camp or the 'poised, confident, and in control' group, there is little room for noisy birthing there.

One of the simplest 'tricks' in my bag is to simply make noise. Women who seem to be doing so well with labor, then suddenly blurt out that they can't go on, they need some help, they need an epidural - those women I immediately encourage to make some NOISE.

I am not saying that every woman needs to be a noisy birther, but there is great evidence to suggest the correlation between the vocal chords and the cervix. And, any of us who are physically active out there can attest to the stress relieving, and thus, pain relieving qualities of simply making noise.

Now, not ANY noise is good noise - it has to be a certain type of noise. It doesn't matter if it is loud or quiet, but it does matter what form it takes. Positive noise includes:

• Open glottis
• Deep breathed
• Relaxed jaw
• Resonating

Some examples of these noises are vibrating hums (when the jaw is relaxed), horse lips (per Ina May Gaskin), ooohs, aaahs, uuuuhs, naughs, and even singing.

Singing is an amazing vocal labor relaxation technique. It helps to control your breathing, encourages deep breathing, and keeps your vocal chords, jaw, and body relaxed. It also works through distraction from contractions and focus on resonation. And, just for viewing pleasure:

Welcome to LaborLand

Mama Bear,

I saw you rockin it, movin it, shakin it.

You were going. Going. Gone.

You pounded out rhythms with your fist raised high -
listing to that pounding beat
Moving with your pounding feet

Shaking your head you moaned down low
hips thrust out, knees all bent
Mama Bear's rockin', poundin'
Heavy and Full.

You reached and grabbed me
pulled me in

I rocked with you, moved with you
caught in your dance

You shook me, you pulled me,
you laid on me full
I held you, I sang with you
heavy

Pulling yourself up, exclaiming "Water"
and your lover
he doused your burning lips

He kissed you quickly, cautiously
moving to get out of your laborin' way

But you grabbed his shirt with your fists
and pulled him down to you
face to face
furiously and quickly
Scratchy and deep
Heavy and Moanin' "Kiss!"

Not a request, a demand.
Kissing him deep and hard
Drew your own blood on your lips

Then turned away from him
Tappin' your foot, I knew you heard that labor beat
Your womb was callin' it's music to you

And pumping the air with your open palm,
you began to "uhn uhn" your baby down

Bending your knees, you keened "So HARD"
And sought my eyes in fevered plea

I nodded,
"Strong, hard work you do"
That's all you needed to hear

Swayin' your belly, you danced that baby down
A bear mama, fierce, and loud.

Hot and Angry
Strong and Vulnerable
Loving and Hurting

You BIRTHED that baby, mama bear.