Dear Mommy -
"I have a healthy baby and that is all that matterst" you say in quick breathes, averting your eyes quickly...
But your eyes belay a pain that is deeper than the scar on your abdomen and tougher than the tissue that holds it together.
I smile a sad smile.
You smile a brave smile, squaring your shoulders defiantly.
I reach out my arms...
and wrap you into me...
Your body tenses you give a quick squeeze and start to pull away.
I hold on...
You pat my back a few times, obligatory.
I hold on longer...
I have to get past that hard part, that defense that is so natural, yet so harmful. I pray it comes soon - I pray I can hold on...
Slowly,
I feel your shoulders relax, your neck becomes soft and the curve of your spine inclines.
Breast to breast, womb to womb, necks entwined...
A deep breath in and you shudder. Exhaling....
Acceptance.
Grief.
"It's ok", I say. "It's ok to wish for more"...
And you nod, crying.
At our feet, your beautifully perfect babe coos.
No comments:
Post a Comment