10 Ways To Guide Children - Without Discipline - Guest Blogger

Dr. Laura has a wonderful blog at Aha! Parenting. I love her site and am subscribed to receive all of her blogs. Some of the great posts that I have enjoyed in the past include "There's an Angel on Your Shoulder", "You Have the Most Important Job in the World", and "Holding Your Child Accountable Without Punishment".


As both a mom and a Clinical Psychologist, Dr. Laura Markham sounds two clear themes in her advice to parents.  The first is that when we feel good, we're better parents.  Quite simply, we can only give what we have inside. That's why her daily parenting inspiration emails are about how to take better care of ourselves and manage our own emotions.
Her other theme is that parenting effectively always depends on our connection to our kids. Without that connection, we have little influence ("My kids won't listen!") and, frankly, parenting becomes an exhausting, thankless task.

Deepening our connection with our kids and keeping it strong as they grow is the work of parenting.  Of course kids need guidance, but that only sticks if the connection is there to support our teaching. Dr. Markham definitely encompasses, through her parent-teaching, the ideals and principles of a Conscious Parent intent on encouraging a Conscious Family unit.

""The reason a child will act unkindly or cause damage is always innocent. Sometimes she is playful and free spirited, and other times, when aggressive or angry she is unhappy or confused. The more disturbing the behaviour, the more the child is in pain and in need of your love and understanding. In other words, there is no such thing as bad behaviour in children. Instead there is a child who is doing the best she can and we don’t understand her.” – Naomi Aldort

I talk to parents about their children all day, every day.  Parents are often shocked when they hear that I don’t believe in most of what we think of as discipline (spankings, consequences, timeouts) because it keeps kids from becoming responsible, self-disciplined people.  “How will my child learn how to behave?” they ask. My answer is that children learn what they live...."

Go here to read the rest of the article.

Conscious Family Giveaway #2

As stated in a previous post, this month is dedicated to the Conscious Family. And, as I stated prior, we will be having some fun giveaways during April.

Giveaway #1 can be seen here

Deb, from Mudd Puppy Pottery, is our second business owner who exemplifies Conscious Family values. I learned about Deb and her awesome ocarinas about a year or two ago and we have sent emails back and forth from time to time. I wish I were as skilled with my hands as this lovely lady is. I am happy to give you the opportunity to get to know her a little better! :)

THE INTERVIEW
Can you tell me a little about you, as a person, and then a little about how you, the business owner, came to create Mudd Puppy Pottery?
I'm a 33 year old mother of four, born in a small town in Ohio, and currently living in a small town in North Western PA. I've always enjoyed working with my hands, making things, and doing something "different."

Starting Mudd Puppy Pottery came in spurts and sputters. I started out making some sculptures in polymer clay, but do to my lack of getting the material to work for me, I decided to purchase a used kiln about 5 years ago. I started off with little scenes I'd sculpt, and eventually I discovered how to make whistles out of clay. This eventually led to making pregnant belly whistles, which then led to birth art, and directly due to the encouragement from my own doula and midwife, I decided to try selling my pieces, and here I am today!

What were you like as a child?
A goody-two-shoes, which is probably good, but also a tad boring, LOL! I was picked on a lot by my classmates, so I never felt like I fit in, a quality which has actually worked in my favor as an adult because now I enjoy feeling "unique"! I was your typical nerd - nose in a book, was a color guard for the marching band for two years, and the only "sport" I participated in was Bible quizzing.


If you had to pinpoint one turning point in your life/career, what would you consider that defining moment/event?
I know it sounds like a cliché, but the birth of my oldest child truly has divided my world into the "before" and "after." Not just in the typical "now my life revolves around this little one" kind of way, but my entire world view and my perception of other people has changed. I questioned a lot of the beliefs I was raised with because I was parenting differently than any one else I knew, and that led to an entire life-changing process that is still on-going. I am now more understanding and respectful of other people; more compassionate that I used to be.

Ironically enough, her birth also birthed my interest in crafting the types of things I do. A year after she was born, I made some corn husk dolls - mothers holding babies, which I gave to the midwives and doula present at her birth. That same year, I made my husband a foot and hand print for Father's day...out of polymer clay. Which is what sparked my later interest in the material.


You offer mama and family loving products, so tell me why these things are important to you both personally and professionally.
The pieces I make definitely reflect my belief that childbirth and child rearing are so very NATURAL, and also very extraordinary. To think that women are given the awesome experience of growing a new life within them, and then giving birth, and then taking care of this new person who is totally whole right from the get-go...it's just amazing.

I especially love the new pieces I'm working on which feature figures - a mother and father in labor, or standing holding their pregnant belly...a mother and child embracing. These things are MY experiences, my memories, and I hope that part of me comes through in these captured moments, that I can connect with my customers as they recognized themselves, too.

What do you hope your clients get from your products?
I hope that they receive a piece of art that is both aesthetically pleasing, as well as something that inspires them, makes them smile (or maybe even cry!), and helps them hold on to memories and moments that might last just a minute, but at the same time live on forever. I also strive to ensure that they receive quality items - it often takes me hours to complete a piece, which is worth it to me to create something special vs. something quick and easy and meaningless.
Can you share some personal 'favorites' with my readers?
In case you haven't them, yet, this husband and wife team makes very cool glass mamas & babies: www.etsy.com/shop/familytreeglass?ref=seller_info

And this is the blog of a lovely woman I am fortunate enough to know in "real life", Justine Julian: www.stateoftheheart.net/


THE GIVEAWAY
Ok, so what is Deb giving away?! She is offering an awesome Family Tree Mama Sculpture from her amazing etsy store.

 

This beautiful sculpture is very much like this one. Only especially made for the Conscious Family Series here.


Now, do you want to know how to make this beautiful mama your own? If so, read below CAREFULLY for the rules to enter!


RULES FOR ENTERING:
To enter, you MUST complete #1 on the list. After that, feel free to enter as many additional times as you would like (#2-#5). You must leave an additional comment for each entry for it to be valid. Please don't forget to leave me some way to get in contact with you if you are the winner.

1. Like Deb's Facebook page, leave a comment on her wall saying that I sent you, and come back/comment here to let me know you did. :)
   
2. Like my Facebook Page, then come back and let me know you have. If you are already a liker, let me know. :)
   
3. Share this giveaway on your own blog, then come back here and comment, sharing the link to that post in the body of your comment.
4. Share this giveaway on your own Facebook wall, tagging my or Deb's FB pages, then come back here and comment, letting me know you did. 
   
5. Go to Deb's etsy shop and browse around, come back here and let me know what item you like the most.

Entries must be received by April 30th at midnight. Drawing will occur in the first week of May. Good luck!!!

Learning To Parent Consciously - Guest Blogger

 

Karine, aka, Wolf Mother, is an awesome blogger over at the Fabulous Mama Chronicles. She is a passionate and somewhat brazen birth/parenting enthusiast with a whimsical sense of humor who believes in children’s inherent worth and strive to be a conscious parent to her son, Leonidas.

The birth and parenting decisions she makes are based on the philosophy that children’s needs are as valid as everyone else’s and she honor them by following her biological impulses to nurture them. This means she aims to parent by keeping everyone’s dignity and sense of self intact, respecting them as people within their own right. Essentially her aim as a parent is to be a type of guardian of the lives that are birthed through her until they are capable of caring for themselves. She believe that gentle birth practices and intuitive parenting choices leads to shaping a person who is confident, emotionally stable, intelligent, compassionate, and adaptive to any environment.

And these are her thoughts on becoming a conscious parent!

After high school I chose to attend college for Early Childhood Education to explore different philosophies to give me a base from which to work from in choosing how I would parent my own children. I wanted to find a different way than the traditional parent-child relationship from my own childhood and my studies lead me to discovering attachment-theory and the concept of conscious parenting and this resonating with me on so many levels.....

Continue reading her wonderful post here.

Conscious Family Giveaway #1

As stated in a previous post, this month is dedicated to the Conscious Family. And, as I stated prior, we will be having some fun giveaways during April.

Kellie, from the Indigo Forest, is our first business owner in our month-long theme who exemplifies Conscious Family values. Kellie and her mom, Tammy, have delightful felted and wooden items throughout their store that I am sure my readers would love. But first, I want to help you get to know Kellie and Tammy a little better.

THE INTERVIEW
Can you tell me a little about you, as a person, and then a little about how you, the business owner, came to create your store?
Well, my name is Kellie and I am the mother to two beautiful little boys and the wife to one amazing husband. While I have called California and Washington state home, we currently live in lush, central North Carolina. Growing up, I was always surrounded by music and art. My father is a very talented artist and is very musically inclined. My mother has been crafty for as long as I can remember, sewing, working with leather, and the fiber arts are where she shines. I feel very blessed to have been exposed to so many wonderful talents as a child. I guess you can say I owe it all to my wonderful parents! I, as well as my own little family are very passionate about nature. We love being outside! I am also very passionate about attachment/natural parenting. It was my love for nature and attachment/natural parenting that led me to want to start The Indigo Forest and my own mama, Tammy, was right there with me to support my journey. Many of the items we make and sell in our shop support a more natural way of parenting. Everything from natural wool toys, to items that show support for breastfeeding. We are always brainstorming for new ideas. We really love creating for folks and it really brings us a lot of joy to know that people really love our work! We are so grateful for the many supporters we have had thus far and we hope to be creating for a long time to come!
What were you like as a child?
Kellie - I was born in California, but soon moved to Washington state and lived there in a small mountain valley and had what I believe to be the most wonderful childhood any kid could have! I spent all of my time outside. Whether it was summers at the lake, ice skating and sledding during the winter months, or playing make-believe and runner through the lovely apple orchards, I always had an amazing time. I often wish I could be a kid again (but who doesn't?).

Tammy - I was born in West Virginia, but grew up in California. The beach is where I called home. I spent all of my childhood outdoors. Swimming, softball, skating, biking were some of my favorite outdoor activities as a child. When I was indoors, I was very crafty. My mother and grandmother taught me how to sew, crochet, and cook when I was younger and I am forever grateful for the passing of those skills to me. My true passion is leather work and I learned that in my 20's.

If you had to pinpoint one turning point in your life/career, what would you consider that defining moment/event?
For both of us, that moment would have to be becoming mothers. I know you've heard it a thousand times, but having children changes everything!


You offer some attachment and family-friendly products, so tell me why these things are important to you both personally and professionally.
Kellie - Like I mentioned above, I am very passionate about attachment/natural parenting. It is so important to me because I see the difference it can make in a child's life to have parents who believe in this way of loving and nurturing. Far too often I see parents being very "unattached" to their children and I don't really understand their logic behind parenting that way. I think a lot of parents have been misinformed. In our work, we really try to show a love for attachment/natural parenting and I think it shows.

What do you hope your clients get from your products?
So much! We hope they find a love for natural parenting through our products, we hope they fearlessly show their support for things such as breastfeeding through our products. We want our clients to know their support really matters to us and we are thankful everyday.

Can you share something personal (recipe, etc..) with my readers?
Kellie - Since the warmth is returning and summer will be here before you know it, I thought I'd share a very unique recipe that, if you live in the south, can be made in the later part of summer. If you live in the south, as do I, you have probably heard of Kuzdu. If you haven't, Kudzu is a vine that basically takes over everything in its path (aka- the vine that ate the south). Well, I have heard of this plant plenty of times while living here in NC, but I never knew that this vine produced the most wonderfully fragrant and beautiful flowers, not until last summer that is. When I did a little more research on this vine, I found that most of it is edible. Including the flowers. After reading that, I just had to find a recipe that included the flowers! I ended up find this little gem of a recipe. Enjoy!

~*Kudzu Blossom Jelly*~

• 4 Cups of Kudzu blossoms (make sure they haven't been sprayed with chemicals)
• 4 Cups of boiling water
• 1 Tbs lemon juice
• 1 (1 3/4 oz) Package of powdered fruit pectin
• 5 Cups of sugar

Directions:

• Wash blossoms in cold water, strain and place in a clean bowl
• Pour 4 cups of boiling water over blossoms and refrigerate for at least 6 hours
• Strain liquid through a colander into a Dutch oven, discarding flowers
• Add lemon juice and pectin. Bring to a full rolling boil over high heat stirring constantly
• Stir in sugar, return to a full rolling boil. Boil stirring constantly for 1 minute.
• Remove from heat, skim off foam with a spoon
• At this point you can pour the jelly into jars to store regularly (like I did) or you can choose to can them like you normally would for preserving them for long periods of time.
• Store jelly in the fridge.

**Note: The liquid will appear gray and dull before you add the lemon juice, then it will be the most amazing shade of pink!! And if your wondering about the taste, well...its a cross between the best grapes you've ever eaten and magic...yeah, that sounds about right! (In other words, a very unique flavor everyone will love!!)

Enjoy!

THE GIVEAWAY
Ok, want to hear something awesome? Kellie and Tammy are offering TWO items to the giveaway. That means we will have TWO winners for our first giveaway. So, what might you win?

oh, aren't they beautiful?

  

The first item is an original-design maple wood car with black walnut axles. Finished with a homemade beeswax polish with a hint of lavender essential oil. 6x3 inches.

And this? Oh, this is a personal favorite (thank you Kellie for including this one). Hand wet & needle felted wool breech birth ball, original design. Wet felted using Dr. Bronner's soap (lavender and/or peppermint). 9 1/2 inches around.

 
As with every giveaway, there are rules. So, read below CAREFULLY for the rules to enter!
RULES FOR ENTERING:
To enter, you MUST complete #1 on the list. After that, feel free to enter as many additional times as you would like (#2-#7) and in any particular order you so choose. You must leave an additional comment for each entry for it to be valid. Please don't forget to leave me some way to get in contact with you if you are the winner.

1. Like Indigo Forest's Facebook page, leave a comment on her wall saying that I sent you, and come back/comment here to let me know you did. :)
   
2. Like my Facebook Page, then come back and let me know you have. If you are already a liker, let me know. :)
   
3. Share this giveaway on your own blog, then come back here and comment, sharing the link to that post in the body of your comment.
4. Share this giveaway on your own Facebook wall, tagging my or Kellie's FB pages, then come back here and comment, letting me know you did. 
   
5. Go to their etsy shop and browse around, come back here and let me know what item you like the most.
6. Become a follower of Kellie's blog, then come back and let me know you did and what your google name is. 
7. Visit Tammy's etsy shop and browse around, come back here and let me know what item from there you like the most. 

Entries must be received by April 30th at midnight. Drawing will occur in the first week of May. Good luck!!!

Talk It Out

Many women researching natural birth will hear about the ills of medical providers, their responsibilities and shortcomings towards their patients… but what about YOUR responsibility as a consumer?

A positive consumer understands that, when it comes to healthcare, they are an active participant, having an ethical and personal responsibility to make sure that the medical care provider that they hire will work hard for their choices and beliefs. You heard right, you hire your care provider.

Would you allow a landscaper to make all of the decisions regarding your lawn or would you research what you want your lawn to look like, be like, and produce like? Would you turn your lawn over to that landscaper and, when (s)he let you know their plans, mutely nod even if you didn’t like what was being planned, or would you tell them your expectations and desires, plans and hopes? Likewise, although your lawn might not turn out exactly like you had planned with your landscaper, if you trust them fully, you can trust that it will come as close as your soil and your property allows for.

Consider this: your doctor or midwife has a responsibility to give you factual information, practice unbiased and evidence-based medicine, and to treat you as a whole woman, not simply a patient. They have a responsibility to let you know their policies, procedures, and standards of care – what they expect from you as a patient.

But, as a patient, it is your responsibility to be open and honest with your care provider. Withholding your feelings, beliefs, desires, and fears breed distrust on both sides of the proverbial fence. It is vital that, as a patient, you be able to speak up about your choices regarding your health care, even if you and your care provider do not see eye to eye on some issues.

The relationship that you have with your care provider is not their sole responsibility - it is a two way street. If you are fully open and honest with them and don't feel it is reciprocated, perhaps they are not the caregiver that you want to trust to handle your body and baby during the most vulnerable event of labor and birth.

If you feel they have ulterior motives beyond your health and wellbeing and that of your unborn baby, if they are not fully supportive of your choices (whether or not they agree with your choices), or if you simply do not make a good team (yes, you two are a team), perhaps it is best to look for another care giver. It is never to late to make the change.

For additional information, please take a look at the links below:

• What Type of Care Giver Fits Your Beliefs
• 10 Questions to Ask Before You Have a Baby
• Switching Care Providers in Pregnancy

first posted in 2008

Birth of Scarlett

I absolutely love this video - it is such a cool way to do a birth video. Mom is narrating her birth story with stills and video interspersed.

Naturally Born

I am happy to let you all know about a new site online. Naturally Born is brand new, but they are going to be a great resource, I can already tell. If you are a past client of mine, I would welcome a testimonial/review/'like', just go to the site and search for my name.

I am also going to be an expert contributor. :) Very cool!