tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4772459128704388678.post4394198393651502497..comments2024-01-23T12:04:07.663-06:00Comments on Bellies and Babies: How We Expect to Make Mothers out of Women When we Treat Them Like ChildrenNicole Dhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00221401549139626688noreply@blogger.comBlogger18125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4772459128704388678.post-178059957729011532013-09-12T15:52:34.252-05:002013-09-12T15:52:34.252-05:00You hit the nail on the head here! I feel so awful...You hit the nail on the head here! I feel so awful for your first appointment with your second birth but so glad you had the sense to change; so many women don't as you said. Our society is in need of a <a href="ww.jvalenci-a.blogspot.com/2013/09/say-what-you-mean.html%22" rel="nofollow">birth reform</a> Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07050280530924808518noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4772459128704388678.post-68486085273981695712009-11-06T14:30:50.932-06:002009-11-06T14:30:50.932-06:00I have noticed a similar what another poster said:...I have noticed a similar what another poster said: that woman acted like you were her enemy. The problem is, doctors DON'T answer to most of us, the patients: they answer to our insurance, to their hospitals/clinics, to their OB groups, to the FDA, and to lawyers. The worst of them see patients as a means to an end, whether that end be a greater feeling of power, or more money. So this mentality of treating patients (not just women) as subservient children isn't just an OB problem, but an entire medical one.<br /><br />I'm very glad that you had that first OB. It's heartening to know that there are still some good doctors out there who do actively care about their patients, and not just see them as robots who can get them more money.Ambernoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4772459128704388678.post-77099402695350534252008-09-27T22:16:00.000-05:002008-09-27T22:16:00.000-05:00Good grief, that was terrible how the 2nd doctor t...Good grief, that was terrible how the 2nd doctor treated you!!<BR/>From a medical students point of view I have seen a few examples of this (though I know it happens). It is a crime that while the majority of doctors treat their patients with respect and professionalism there are people out there with such lack of personal skills that they turn people away and in some cases cause terrible emotional scars. I am glad that you got an alternative referral to such a good OB after all that.Dragonflyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12759938692575603663noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4772459128704388678.post-7487433792628861072008-09-24T14:10:00.000-05:002008-09-24T14:10:00.000-05:00This is all too common and oh so wrong. I am sorry...This is all too common and oh so wrong. I am sorry, first of all, that you had to go through such a horrible attack. Secondly, you are doing alot to help other women be aware, and to tell their sisters and girlfriends and daughters to be-ware as well. How many expectant Mamas sit in bed reading their what to expect books (puke!)and ignore that ever growing feeling that "THIS ISNT RIGHT?!?!"<BR/><BR/>Sigh<BR/>Keep up the great blog<BR/>MamaJoyHousefairyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07158143680987249710noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4772459128704388678.post-22184161655917380672008-09-23T15:29:00.000-05:002008-09-23T15:29:00.000-05:00I was directed here by a fabulous woman, and I hav...I was directed here by a fabulous woman, and I have to say I agree 200% with you! I echo the disbelief in that so many people allow the doctors and hospitals to bully us when <B>we</B> are paying them to do a service for us!Meredith Shadwillhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12477491031164795130noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4772459128704388678.post-65125475201139990932008-09-23T11:29:00.000-05:002008-09-23T11:29:00.000-05:00Good grief. That Dr. sexually assaulted you. To ...Good grief. That Dr. sexually assaulted you. <BR/><BR/>To force you to allow her to stick her hand into your vagina without even waiting for YOU to acknowledge what was about to happen by letting you move your own knees...that was just WRONG. I've seen OB's (more often women than men!) bully laboring women into cervical exams that they don't want...but never in quite that aggressive of a manner. <BR/><BR/>For pete's sake, the sad statistics are that there is a good likelihood that any individual patient that FP deals with may have been raped in the past...and it might not be on the medical record! So what she did...in addition to being a violation and a trauma to a woman who hasn't been previously assaulted in that way...could be even more of a trauma for many women.<BR/><BR/>Thank you for making this post. If only it could be required reading for all young women before they even get pregnant.<BR/><BR/>JennAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4772459128704388678.post-3477256884850768922008-09-22T11:30:00.000-05:002008-09-22T11:30:00.000-05:00Thank you for your blog. I too have a long blog r...Thank you for your blog. I too have a long blog regarding women (people in general, really) taking charge of their healthcare. Too many women put these human doctors on pedestals, assuming they are right and never questioning anything, and that's just a huge mistake.<BR/><BR/>Good for you for standing up for yourself and becoming a partner in your careAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4772459128704388678.post-28416544120889983042008-09-22T09:04:00.000-05:002008-09-22T09:04:00.000-05:00I just feel bad for all the women that are under h...I just feel bad for all the women that are under her "care" and think that is normal, and just "stick it out" with her. Too many women don't know any different, and trust the doctor is looking out for them.Jennhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07678347955604173755noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4772459128704388678.post-22664972637834979802008-09-22T08:25:00.000-05:002008-09-22T08:25:00.000-05:00TMW - I am glad that we have professionals like yo...TMW - I am glad that we have professionals like you out there. :o)<BR/><BR/>Jill - amen. <BR/><BR/>primamomma - I wish my experience were not as common as it seems to be. I hear mom after mom being told that they 'have to' or they can't 'let mom'... the patriarchal tone follows through into MOST OB, MANY FP, and a FEW MW practices. But, I do agree, it should not be a 'job'.Nicole Dhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00221401549139626688noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4772459128704388678.post-74892757479959845112008-09-22T07:59:00.000-05:002008-09-22T07:59:00.000-05:00Geez, did she have a serious chip on her shoulder....Geez, did she have a serious chip on her shoulder. I wonder if in her mind, you coming from your former FP raised flags that you're a 'problem patient'. Good for you for never looking back. She wasn't treating you like a child; at least I certainly hope she would never treat a child so callously! She was treating you like an adversary, and an unworthy one at that, from the get-go. It's so disappointing that a female OBs can be so patronizing. Even if she is very set on her protocols, she can be civil about it! I bet she developed her particular demeanor as a passive-aggressive way to ensure her clientele matches her style of practice. But what would be so hard about saying something like "My experience has lead me not to support birth plans, but there might be other providers who do". Most people would get the message. I too have encountered obstetric providers who were inflexible about their pratice, but at least they were nice about it!Judithttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01310462426087335112noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4772459128704388678.post-42725782680916396652008-09-22T02:21:00.000-05:002008-09-22T02:21:00.000-05:00Your experience with that doctor is IMHO - traumat...Your experience with that doctor is IMHO - traumatic. The entire pregnancy until child birth should be treated with high respect, with full recognition to the mother who would soon be delivering a new life to the world.<BR/>Caring for pregnant women should not be some "job" that just needs to be done.<BR/><BR/><BR/>--Sarah from <A HREF="http://www.childbirth.net" REL="nofollow">ChildBirth.net</A>Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4772459128704388678.post-66276901334789493642008-09-22T00:09:00.000-05:002008-09-22T00:09:00.000-05:00Honestly, I don't understand how a service profess...Honestly, I don't understand how a service profession can put the client in such a subservient position. It is very, very odd. I've been fairly fortunate with my children't births, all three hospital, to generally escape unecessary interventions. I get more confident with each one but it is still Oh-So-Difficult to "buck the system" when the system thinks it owns you!<BR/><BR/>--Paula<BR/>http://a-large-room.blogspot.com/Paulahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12409740378011990132noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4772459128704388678.post-8871000986898528602008-09-21T23:31:00.000-05:002008-09-21T23:31:00.000-05:00Ugh, I felt a little sick in my mouth reading abou...Ugh, I felt a little sick in my mouth reading about that horrid doc. Sick sick sick. Why do people like that get into a profession that is supposed to be about TAKING CARE of people??? <BR/><BR/>I secretly did tandem care with both my homebirth midwives and the CNMs who attended my first son's birth. I had iron issues as well and at one visit with the CNMs I asked them to check my iron. They were utterly perplexed as to why I would want that done (and I couldn't tell them "my other midwives want to know my levels" because they would have dropped me if they'd known I was homebirthing). I wasn't really surprised. It was probably the first time in a long time they'd seen a patient take an active interest in her health instead of just letting them handle everything.<BR/><BR/>It's all patriarchal bullshit, pure and simple. Oooh the poor fragile delicate women, we men with our big strong bodies and smart brains have to TAKE CARE of them and make sure they don't wilt away like little flowers under the strain. Here, you just lie back and I'll DELIVER YOU OF THIS NUISANCE *cough* I MEAN BABY. Shh don't worry about a thing, Dr. Big Strong Man will take care of it.<BR/><BR/>And the goddamndest thing about it is now they've got WOMEN doing the same thing!!! That's how outrageously successful and complete this coup was. They've now fooled OTHER WOMEN into taking this superior attitude because THEIR FELLOW WOMEN are too weak and simple-minded to do anything for themselves. It just utterly astounds me that a female OB can be so cold and callous to her own sex.<BR/><BR/>Whew, you got me writing a post of my own here. That's the mark of good writing...when it makes me rant for longer than the blog entry! ;)Jillhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17475112158639748154noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4772459128704388678.post-46385825710495233412008-09-21T18:19:00.000-05:002008-09-21T18:19:00.000-05:00What a great post! I wholeheartedly agree. We ne...What a great post! I wholeheartedly agree. We need to respect mothers and the power they have, their intuition, their love for thier babies. If they are shown that during their pregnancy and birth, it will follow through into their mothering. <BR/><BR/>Thanks for writing this!Enjoy Birthhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13227246774801636777noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4772459128704388678.post-48169062113287094712008-09-21T07:35:00.000-05:002008-09-21T07:35:00.000-05:00Exactly!!Sometimes I think that the way I was trea...Exactly!!<BR/><BR/>Sometimes I think that the way I was treated during pregnancy and birth by my midwives was a big step towards the amount of confidence I have as a mother. I know I'm weird that way, but it's a good sort of weird. I hear so many women flipping out over every little thing and unable to do anything for themselves or their babies, and I wonder how they got that way. This explanation fits that question perfectly. They were treated as children who didn't know anything while pregnant, and they lived up to (or down to) that treatment.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4772459128704388678.post-18832380797198352552008-09-20T22:30:00.000-05:002008-09-20T22:30:00.000-05:00One more reason I do what I do. Thank you for sha...One more reason I do what I do. <BR/><BR/>Thank you for sharing this with us.Mama to Monkeyshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14696704625536509191noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4772459128704388678.post-68941409718643832772008-09-20T21:44:00.000-05:002008-09-20T21:44:00.000-05:00wow, indeed. I am outraged on your behalf, and fe...wow, indeed. I am outraged on your behalf, and felt so emotional reading your story...so emotional that something similar is happening at this very moment to women. <BR/>We must tell our stories, as you have done...good and bad. thanks for this.DoulaMommahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17436946151898233317noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4772459128704388678.post-10376660269652994722008-09-20T20:31:00.000-05:002008-09-20T20:31:00.000-05:00Wow, I don't know what exactly brought this on, bu...Wow, I don't know what exactly brought this on, but Wow! I want to have everyone read this. I have thought this way for a long time. I understand I work within that system of control, but I try so hard to undo what I can of controlling women and their decisions. Empowerment is the word I think is what we are looking for. Women need to feel empowered, and the medical system is not designed to encourage that.slh35661https://www.blogger.com/profile/16067392139236549941noreply@blogger.com