My Wife's a Doula

My wife's a doula. That sentence alone conjures up a number of questions, including:

  • what's that? 
  • so she's a midwife?  
  • do ever go with her to work? 

and many more. One I rarely hear, but is always on my mind is:

  • isn't that hard on your relationship? 

Because I would answer, hands down, yes.

She has her phone on her, and on when it's on her, at all times of the day and night. She gets texts and calls and emails throughout the day and night, and she rarely, if ever, doesn't respond immediately to those calls, texts, and emails.

If you are planning a romantic date, know that you have to always follow up with, 'we might cancel if my wife has to work', because you just never know when she'll be called into work. And you are guaranteed that, if you do book something that is non-refundable, she will be called into a birth on that date.

She misses birthdays, anniversaries, Christmases, Thanksgiving dinners, and every other form of celebration, and you are left holding the ball, making the meal, satiating the children, and hosting the guests.

And that's not even the whole of it. Think about it, normally, she gets 'the call' in the middle of the night from a strange, deep voiced, man. That man breaths, 'it's time, we're ready for you'. Your wife responds with, 'how fast are the coming?', before she pops out of bed, throws on her clothes, grabs her toiletry bag and her doula bag (which is a multi-compartmental suitcase' and jets out the door with a quick kiss on the cheek.

And then, when she returns (which can be hours or even days later) her hair is all disheveled, her makeup is nearly non-existent, and the first thing she does is head to the shower. She then jumps into bed to 'sleep it off'.

Yup, it's not easy.. but it's worth it. Why is it worth it? Because, if your partner is a doula, she has been called to be one. And a calling is an amazing thing to be a part of. It means that you, no matter how little your involvement is, are part of a miracle, a journey, an adventure. I'm married to a doula - and I support her with my whole heart!

1 comment:

A. Santos said...

I am also a birth worker spouse and I posted about this on my wife's blog.
(http://www.psalm139studios.com/childbirth/confessions-a-birth-worker-spouse/) I was happy to see others posting about this also. Thank you so much writing this. It confirms what I've been trying to tell people all the time. Relationships with birth workers takes lots of love, support, and commitment. Great post and thank you!


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